These three people mean so fucking much to me. And there are times when I can't stop thinking about them. There are nights that I lie awake for hours crying, trying to find reasons why it all had to happen. For almost a year it's just felt like everyone around me is dying. Now things are starting to look up for me. And I'm happier. And I'm finding it easier to let it all go, to know that they're okay and everythings going to be fine. I'm going to be fine. I just need to get this all out and vent a little. I wish I could say more but I dont want to post some 8 page long entry.
Kyle - Kyle was killed fighting a fire on April 16th, 2007. He was my hero and still is. When the neighborhood kids would pick on me and call me names, he was always the first one to stand up for me. He had no idea how much that meant to me and each day gets harder knowing that he never heard it straight from me. But he's safe now and he's made it clear that everything's okay. <3
Molly - On February 5th, 2008 Molly commited suicide. She was the bright side of every Thursday night for me. I would walk into dance and hear her say, "Hey Fall Out Boy Girl..." and that nickname is staying with me. I still dont understand why she did it, but I do know that depression is a hard thing to battle and sometimes it just gets the best of people. She's happy and doesn't have to feel pain anymore. <3
Grandpa - My grandpa died December 5th, 2007. His heart just stopped beating as he and my grandmother were driving on the beltway to go to his doctors appointment. He was my hero. He was so proud of everything I did and that meant so much to me. No one else ever showed that much appreciation for my dance competitions and performances. He was proud of who I've become and I'm going to make sure it stays that way. Each holiday is getting harder, knowing that he wont be sitting at the dinner table to keep us all in line. But he didnt have to feel pain, and I'm thankful for that. And each day I thank God that he didn't have to go in a horrible way. <3
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1 comment:
I'm so sorry for all your losses. But you are right, they are in a better place now.
And it is hard to deal with this with the holidays and everything else, but keep them in your thoughts. They wouldn't want you to be upset because of them.
Great post. :]]
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