Just to know what we could be...

There's always been this thought in the back of my mind that my music has to make it somewhere. This has to work out. I have no other plans. But now I'm seeing that where I'm at now is not where I need to be if I ever want to make this dream come true. I've got friends that are willing to work with me. Most of my friends are guys in bands who are willing to write some stuff with me. But some of them have screwed me over time and time again. They ask me to write and record something then decide that maybe they don't want to. They want to stick with something else. It's not fair. I've gotten my hopes up for something that may never happen. Almost everyone in my family has been involved with music at some point in their life. Some of my relatives have been in bands. Some have been in state choirs. Some have been backup vocalists. Etc. Etc. I am...nothing. And I hate that. It seems like I'm the next in line and I'm slowly but surely falling behind. Don't get me wrong. I have backup plans. Dancing. Acting. But music is what I love. And even if I never reach the point I want to reach, I still want to be involved with music in some way. Even if that means being a roadie for the rest of my life, I will always be around shows and bands. It's my passion. It's where my heart belongs and no one can take that away from me. I want to go on tour. Not because I want to feel cool. But because I actually do want to do the work and see what it's like behind the scenes. Yeah, I helped out my uncles band here and there. I've helped out my friends bands. But that's local. I want to travel. I helped out with Warped Tour for a while but that's not the same. I only went to a few shows and didn't really do much except for hang out with Shaun and Maria. I never once picked up anything and set it up. I organized books and promoted certain bands. As much as I loved it, it was too easy. I felt like I wasnt there for the right reasons. I felt like I had the easiest job and I didn't deserve it. I want to make this dream come true. I'll do anything to make this dream come true. I write music like it depends on my life and, despite all my efforts, it gets nowhere. I guess it's because I'm too afraid that the people outside of Northern Virginia would look at me and wonder why the hell I'm even trying. But I refuse to give up. They can say what they want. They can call me names and throw punches at me but I refuse to look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I can't do it. I know I can. And I will.