tonight i went to see a friends band playing at a local venue. on the way to the venue me and jaime got pretty bored. we heard pete talking on a radio station so we decided to call him, not realizing that it would probably screw up his interview. we heard him stop talking for a second then we heard someone behind him go "hello". then i turned back to my phone and heard the same voice, "hello." i completely blanked and hung up. i didnt know what to say. well i knew what i wanted to say, i just couldnt get it out before my reflexes smacked opportunity right out of my hands. when we finally got to the venue i decided that i felt really bad about the whole thing, so i called him again. he answered and said, "hello." so i said, "uhm...hi." and in a pretty annoyed tone he said, "can i help you?" at that point my heart stopped. i wanted to cry and say i'm sorry about 100 times. but i didnt. i just said, "no" and hung up as fast as I possibly could. i wish i could've said more. i wish i didn't annoy him. it really hurts knowing that someone i really look up to, someone i've pretty much based my life around, is pissed off because of something i did. but all i really wanted was to say hello. maybe "how are you?". but i chickened out.
it was really reassuring to hear his voice.
but now all i'm hearing is my own saying,
"riley, you're such a fucking idiot."
i wish i could change it.
i wish i could say sorry.
but i cant.
the past few weeks have been really hard.
and all i've wanted is to hear him say something to me.
and i finally got what i wanted.
but it didnt come how i wanted it to.
Dear Mr. Wentz,
I'm sorry.
Love,
Me
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